Marriage

Aaron and Katrina's Wedding

Congratulations to my brother and new sister in law!  May you have a lifetime filled with love and happiness!

Wedding

Attended my sister in law's wedding last Sunday at Mary the Queen Parish and we all got dressed up for the special occasion.  I really loved my look / outfit for the day.  Too bad I wasn't able to get better pictures since we were all so busy attending to the guests and my sister's needs.

hair and makeup - done by Rhian of Piandre.  Loved how it stayed put till the late hours.

my lovely gown

by Frankie de Leon - so sexy!

Joshua was a ring bearer so his outfit was provided by the bridal party...but little Kenji's outfit was a gift from my bestfriend Cheryl.  Thanks Auntie Cheryl for the cute outfit!  They looked so grown-up, yet still so cute!  

my handsome boys

SO CUTE!!!

Repost: Kent Nerburn on Marriage

Posted By Dr. Ben Kim on Mar 14, 2005  Emotional Health and Well-Being The following is an excerpt on marriage from Letters to My Son: A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life, and Love , by Kent Nerburn. Many thanks to Mr. Nerburn for graciously encouraging us to share his thoughts with our guests. *** Sometimes marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends getting married from reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fervor, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. On rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to flow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages of a relationship. Sexual attraction blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming physical fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. Truly fortunate partners manage to become longtime friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadnesses, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. Laughter is one clue to compatibility. It tells you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. If you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn dour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together. Look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing blinds them to the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually, the two of you will not respect each other. Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides within the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable chasm that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. Take the time to choose a partner carefully and well. Then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your life. Miracle is a powerful word, and I choose it carefully. But there is a miracle in marriage – the miracle of transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will bloom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If we have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If we have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, or we do not tend our marriage with care, then the bloom will be flawed. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience.

Repost: Six Questions to Ponder in Choosing a Life Partner

Posted By Dr. Ben Kim on Apr 27, 2011 

• Emotional Health and Well-Being

I've long felt that choosing a life partner should be a subject that is thoroughly discussed sometime in high school and perhaps even in university. It amazes me that so little time, if any, is given to considering this topic on a meaningful level in school.

Near as I can tell, it's probably the single most important decision that all of us can make.

My take is that most people who get married in modern society don't have the foresight and life experience needed to make the best possible choice.

I'm sure that some people do think things out to a degree that would make Dr. Phil and Oprah proud, but from my little spot on the planet, it looks like most of us, myself included, rely mainly on our instincts to choose the one person we want to be with forever.

And why wouldn't we? Society teaches us that love is what matters. Love is the only thing that matters, right? And what is love? Isn't it that special feeling that occupies your thoracic cavity and makes you feel blissfully alive?

Well, here are some thoughts that I would like my loved ones to consider in choosing a life partner:

Do you like him?

To me, it's not about if you love him. It's if you actually like him.

The challenge is in knowing if what you are feeling is genuine like as opposed to fool's like, which I think is really just a symptom of being intoxicated with lust (which I don't have anything against - I just wouldn't recommend choosing a life partner with fool's like being a primary source of fuel to maintain a healthy relationship).

How do you know if you genuinely like and admire him? Ask yourself if you would want your child or future child to marry someone like him. And in answering this question, think about how he consistently behaves, not what he says.

As most of us know, feelings of "being in love" come and go. I wouldn't want to rely on such feelings to keep my life partnership healthy and intact. Much better, I think, to have a foundation of genuine like in place. Because ultimately, we want to spend our time with those we genuinely like, no?

Why do you like her?

Being drop dead gorgeous, having a trust fund, and taking good care of you are all weak reasons to like someone. They belong in the what she can do for me category, which includes the need-to-have-a-trophy-partner-by-my-side-so-that-I-feel-less-like-the-troll-that-lives-deep-within-me reason. Not a very solid foundation.

She can make you laugh your socks off? You admire the way she treats others, especially in instances when she is unaware that you are aware of what she is doing? She inspires you to strengthen your character? You respect her work ethic? Here and there, she blows you away with her thoughts? Now we're talking about some power fuel to sustain feelings of respect, genuine like, and even adoration for a lifetime.

Do you have the same basic attitudes and beliefs about religion?

Specifically, do both of you have about the same tolerance level for other people's beliefs? If not, think carefully about how this might affect the way that you feel about raising your children together.

Speaking of children...

Do both of you have similar feelings on having or not having children? If both of you want to have children, do you have a good inkling of what type of parent your partner would make?

Are you relatively clear on how much time you would like to spend with parents, siblings, relatives, and friends on both sides of your family?

If you're the type that would absolutely love having your parents in their golden years living next door or at least in the same town, I would suggest making this perfectly clear and asking your potential life partner to give this careful consideration and letting you know how it sits with him or her.

I imagine that very few life experiences can create more sorrow than not being able to spend time with your loved ones or, on the other side of the coin, being forced to spend time with people who make it clear through their behavior that they don't cherish you.

Do you have similar money values?

What do both of you like to spend your money on? Do you spend the bulk of your money on things or experiences? How much do you spend on items and experiences that aren't essential to your survival? How much do you like to save?

***

Those are the big ones for me. They're the issues that rise above the inevitable squabbles that accompany all life partnerships and float around in potential deal-breaker territory.

To be clear, if you just don't like who the other person is (not as obvious as you'd think or hope in the honeymoon phase), if you don't really laugh together, if you don't have the same basic attitudes about religion, having children, raising children, other family members, close friends, and money, you have one or more deal-breakers staring you in the face.

And people who genuinely care for you won't want to hear "but I love him." Because they'll be able to see what you can't see in the moment; that what you're feeling isn't real love; it's something else. Something very different from love that will probably make you want to punch yourself in the face a few times every day for the rest of your life beginning in the near future.

Okay, I'm getting carried away, but hopefully, my thoughts on this topic are clear. And for sure, they're just my thoughts, things that I hope my loved ones consider before they choose to get married, should they decide that marriage is for them.

Earlier this morning, I asked those who follow our facebook page to share their tips on choosing a life partner. Choose your best friend, choose someone you respect, be super careful - these are the recurring pieces of advice that I see in the many responses. Please feel free to browse through them and even add your own here:

What would you share with your child, grandchild, nephew, or niece about choosing a life partner?

Hope this collection of thoughts on choosing a life partner is useful to someone out there.

Happy 4th Anniversary!

Happy 4th anniversary my dear! Has it really been four years since we became husband and wife? I still remember that day really well...

You were so handsome that day....

And I wore a lovely gown...

I felt so beautiful.

I was so excited to get married....

And so happy that it was finally here.

My mom cried, 'coz her only girl was getting married.

But both our families were so happy for us.

We had a great big party for our family and friends.

We laughed a lot and had a blast.

We had singing....

And dancing...

And had a great big feast!

But what I remember most was how ready and happy I was to finally be your wife. I was ready to start our life together and build our dreams together. And I remember the vows and promises that we spoke to each other:

"I, take you, to be my husband,

to have and to hold,

for better or for worse,

for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

from this day forward until death do us part"

And to this day, I still keep this vow close and sacred to my heart. Thank you for four wonderful years together, and wishing for a lifetime more of happy memories, wonderful miracles and wishes to fulfill. I love you.

*Photography courtesy of Pat Dy.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here... 
Those who are already married or in a commitment may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ... 

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? 

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" 

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" 

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" 

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer. 
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) . 

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. 
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. 

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. 

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. 

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. 

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" 
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. 
This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationship for fulfillment. 

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. 
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive substances. 

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. 
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. 
You could. 

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): 

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. 

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationship work. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage. 


Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. 

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. 

It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"love. 

Love is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. You'll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.

Remember this always: 

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go." 
- Ruth Beltran

"Marriage is more than saying I Do. Marriage, like a precious plant, needs constant tending for it to grow, flourish, and bear fruit to last a lifetime, and beyond."
-David and Evelyn Feliciano

Some thoughts from Elizabeth Gilbert

From the author of "Eat, Pray, Love":

~

"Real, sane, mature love -- the kind that pays the mortgage
year after year and picks up the kids after school -- is
not based on infatuation but on affection and respect."

~

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's
what everyone wants.

"But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows
you everything that's holding you back, the person who
brings you to your own attention so you can change your
life.

"A true soul mate is probably the most important person
you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and
smack you awake.

"But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful.
Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another
layer of yourself to you..."

~

"People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects
of each other's personalities. Who wouldn't? Anybody can
love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that's
not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this:

"Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner's
faults honestly and say, 'I can work around that. I can
make something out of that.'? Because the good stuff is
always going to be there, and it's always going to be
pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you."

~

Her new book "Committed" is out now, Yey!