Chocolate Fire

Last Christmas Day, Rod took me and his family to visit Chocolate Fire at Salcedo Village right after dinner for coffee and desserts.  They had a wide array of chocolates on display, but they didn't allow photos to be taken.  Good thing Pam was able to sneak a few photos of Joshua looking at the display of various cakes and you can see on his face the pure unadulterated joy in seeing them.  How I wish sometimes that we could go back to this time, when things were so simple, so uncomplicated and so un-jaded that the sight of chocolates could bring us to do a happy dance.

Mommy I want this cake!

And that one too!

Excited....

Yum...so many chocolate cakes to choose from...

Happy dance....

It's a joy to see all these things again through my kid's eyes.

Pregnancy Journal - Part II (KENJI)

My Pre-Kenji Life:  Before I had Kenji, I already had an 8 month old at home.  We really didn't plan on when we would be having our 2nd child, but we just knew that we were going to have them close in age.  I felt like I wasn't really getting any younger so the next few years would be crucial in our decision on how many kids we want to have.

The First Inkling: Rod and I went to Indonesia to attend his friend's wedding in Surabaya in February 2009.  And after the wedding, we decided to stop by Bali, since we've been hearing a lot of good stuff about it.  It was also a chance for me to travel again, after a long while, since I really wasn't allowed to travel while I was pregnant with Joshua.  And it was our chance to take some time together, just the two of us.  Since I have a very long and irregular cycle, I really didn't think that I could get pregnant so fast and easily.  But when March 2009 came around and I still didn't get my period, I just knew I was pregnant.  I took several pregnancy tests since the first few came out negative.  But I still had a feeling that I was pregnant even if the tests said otherwise.  So after a week of waiting for the tests to catch up with what I knew, my pregnancy was confirmed.   

Picking a Name: This time around, my pregnancy was a lot easier on my body.  I guess it was because I already knew what to expect, so I wasn't as stressed or worried about it.  I ate what I wanted, did what I wanted and just relaxed.  I also had Joshua at home already so I really didn't have that much time to worry.  

At first I thought I was going to have a girl, because everyone was complimenting me about my "special pregnancy glow".  And I did agree that I looked better this time.  But for some reason, at the back of my mind, I also had the thought that this was going to be another boy.  We picked out the name "Kenji" because I heard a father calling his son this name at the airport and I really loved it.  When i checked the meaning of the name, our minds were made up because Kenji meant "intelligent 2nd son", which is quite appropriate.  The middle name "Lee" is my mother's maiden name.  

The First Trimester: By the time I visited my OB's clinic and had my first TV ultrasound, I was also around 8 weeks pregnant and given a November 6, 2009 due date.  This ironically was also Rod and my official engagement date.  The first three months were quite similar with what I went through with Joshua.  Aside from a few bouts of morning sickness, everything was textbook and normal with my pregnancy. I tried to get as much sleep as possible because I felt so tired everyday and I had to stay away from the kitchen. Strong scents and tastes made me queasy so I ate very bland food like hard boiled egg with rice,and I didn't like the sight of dark / black food.

The Second Trimester: When I entered my 2nd Trimester, I did worry a bit that I might have the same problems as my previous pregnancy with Joshua and having to be put on bed rest.  But thankfully, everything went smoothly and my routine stayed the same.  By the 6th month, it was confirmed that we were having another baby boy.  It was so clear on the ultrasound, the technician didn't even hesitate.  Here's a 4d photo of Kenji while in my womb.  Amazing how clear images are today right?

The Third Trimester: By this time, I really felt like I needed a break.  I really expected to give birth earlier than my due date because that's what happened the first time around, but Kenji really had a mind of his own.  As my due date drew nearer, he was no where near ready to come out.  My tummy was really getting big and he was getting heavier everyday.  I because clumsy and so ungraceful.  I also ate a lot this time coz I was constantly hungry, and I wanted big honking steaks to boot!  I also craved sweets and my cousin was laughing at me coz I think I ate almost every 2 hours in the office.

But this was also the time that Typhoon Ondoy hit the country.  My cousin and I were stranded in the office that fateful Saturday because we saw that even Buendia was flooded.  We were lucky that we were able to reach home safely by 5pm, with no traffic and flooding along the way.  Rod was out of the country that time and I had to drive myself to and from work everyday.  He got stranded in Hongkong that day, so Josh and I stayed at my mom's place since they had electricity, while our house was completely dark.  Thank God we survived Ondoy.

My Changing Body:  Although my tummy was really big this time around, I also gained the recommended amount of weight, like about 25-30 lbs. the whole 9 months.  This time I had really bad stretch marks in my tummy as Kenji really grew and grew inside of me, but I still seem to have really good hair and nails.  By time time I hit my 39th week, I was miserable and just wanted to give birth.  But imagine my disappointment when I had my doctor's visit on November 7th, and my OB told me that my cervix was still closed and not even 1cm dilated.

My Labour Experience:  So imagine my surprise when I woke up at 4am November 8th already in full-fledge active labour!  I woke up to go to the bathroom and I felt like my back was aching and I kept on feeling contractions.  At first I thought this couldn't be coz I wasn't even 1 cm dilated the previous day.  But I woke Rod up and told him that we needed to get to the hospital.  By 6am, I was in the delivery room, being prepped since the resident doctor told me that I was about to give birth and 8cm dilated!  She told me not to push at all as I might just give birth right there and then.  Good thing my OB lived nearby and was able to be there in time.  After 20 minutes of pushing, we welcomed Kenji Lee Uy Chua into my arms at 7:20am.  He was born 8 lbs, 1oz , 51 cm long.  All the nurses were telling me how big my baby boy was.  I was just so happy that he's finally in my arms, and not inside of me kicking and stretching my tummy even more!  And my Rod was with me again the whole time, taking pictures and making sure that we were okay.

God, the abuse our bodies take during our pregnancies.  But it truly is a labour of love...and all worth it when we have our healthy babies finally in our arms.

Joshua's first haircut - Oct 24, 2010

I've always cut Joshua's hair since he was a baby.  Just bought a hair clipper at SM Appliances and gave him a nice clean buzz cut.  But since he started going to school, I decided to grow his hair out and slowly move into bringing him to a real barber shop.  At first I was the one who trimmed the sides of his hair, but when it started becoming "malikot" and I couldn't get a straight cut, his dad and I finally brought him to Cuts 4 Tots at Greenhills V-mall for his first official haircut.  It wasn't as traumatic as I was expecting it to be, and he came out with a great cut!

Before we left from home.

Distracting him with a Thomas the Train movie on TV.

Prepping.... he chose to ride a car and it's time for a cut! 

Hmmm... should I worry mom?

Snip, snip, snip....buzz, buzz, buzz.....

Ta-dah!  Love the new cut!

Cheers!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!  With all the parties, gifts, extended vacations and gatherings we have to go to, we sometimes forget to greet each other.  So have a Merry Christmas and hope the new year brings more joy, love and peace.  Cheers! 

Happy 4th Anniversary!

Happy 4th anniversary my dear! Has it really been four years since we became husband and wife? I still remember that day really well...

You were so handsome that day....

And I wore a lovely gown...

I felt so beautiful.

I was so excited to get married....

And so happy that it was finally here.

My mom cried, 'coz her only girl was getting married.

But both our families were so happy for us.

We had a great big party for our family and friends.

We laughed a lot and had a blast.

We had singing....

And dancing...

And had a great big feast!

But what I remember most was how ready and happy I was to finally be your wife. I was ready to start our life together and build our dreams together. And I remember the vows and promises that we spoke to each other:

"I, take you, to be my husband,

to have and to hold,

for better or for worse,

for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

from this day forward until death do us part"

And to this day, I still keep this vow close and sacred to my heart. Thank you for four wonderful years together, and wishing for a lifetime more of happy memories, wonderful miracles and wishes to fulfill. I love you.

*Photography courtesy of Pat Dy.

A Dying Mother’s Letter

From Motherlode

December 9, 2010, 11:20 AM

By LISA BELKIN

Saul Loeb/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images

Maybe it is because I write a parenting blog. Probably it is simply because I am a parent. Whatever the reason, I spent yesterday thinking of the youngest Edwards children, 12-year-old Emma Claire and 10-year-old Jack — of the lifelong pain that comes from losing a parent so young, and of the searing sadness that parent feels, knowing she will be leaving.

I remembered a story I read years ago, about how Elizabeth Edwards was readying her children for the day she would die. She was writing them a letter — a primer of sorts — about everything a mother realizes she won’t be there to say. I tracked that story down yesterday, to a 2007 article by the People magazine reporter Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, written when John Edwards was still in the presidential race. It said:

There is a letter Elizabeth Edwards has been writing, on and off, ever since she saw “Terms of Endearment,” the 1983 movie in which a dying mother leaves behind advice for her children. Edwards’s version, although titled “dying letter” on her computer, is actually more a guide to living for the three children she is preparing to someday leave behind. “It’s more than ‘How do you get the core out of a head of lettuce?’ ” Edwards says while taking a break during a campaign stop in Iowa. “It’s ‘How you choose who you marry and what to expect from that, how you choose a church.’ ” Looking across a playground at her two youngest monkeying on the jungle gym, she chuckles: “It’s got all that butting-my-nose-into-their-lives-long-after-I’m-gone stuff.”

On Good Morning America yesterday morning, Westfall recalled asking Elizabeth about that letter just a few months ago. Was it finished, she wondered, or was there still tweaking and adding to do?

“I’ll never be done,” Westphall says Edwards answered. “A mother is never finished giving advice to her children.”

I have been mentally composing a letter of life advice to my boys for the past 24 hours, but I am daunted by the enormity of the task. Where to begin? What to include?

What would you want to be certain to write?

Gwyneth Paltrow on Glee

I'm a big fan of the TV show Glee. Everytime I watch this show, I go to sleep happier and smiling. Even my husband has noticed! Anyway, last night's episode was a good one again and I thought Gwyneth Paltrow was fantastic. Here's a clip of her singing Cee Lo's "Forget You":

And here's a clip from the episode a couple of weeks ago...boys singing Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream".  Love this version too!

Joshua's Progress Report - 1st Semester SY 2010 - 2011 (English)

PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
Gross Motor Skills 
- Has direction and speed when walking, climbing stairs, running and jumping - SP 
- Propels oneself with wheeled toys - VS 
- Climbs with ease - VS 
- Throws or catches balls - LP 
- Has a sense of rhythm - SP 
Fine Motor Skills 
- Accomplishes small muscle tasks such as scribbling, coloring, cutting and pasting - SP 
- Carries out self help skills in dressing and feeding - SP 
- Demonstrates an effective grip - SP 
- Uses graphomotor skills - SP 


SOCIAL EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT
- Knows safety information - SP 
- Communicates with adults - SP 
- Communicates with other children - LP 
- Enjoys conversation - SP 
- Volunteers information - LP 
- Express feelings - SP 
- Is positive about oneself - SP 
- Demonstrates independence in certain tasks - SP 
- Shows interest and participates in classroom tasks - VS 
- Plays and / or works cooperatively - SP 
- Makes established connections - SP 
- Has the capacity for humor - SP 
- Accepts and respects authority - SP 
- Adapts to varied social situations - LP 


COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
Literacy and Language Skills 
- Verbalizes songs and finger plays - SP 
- Dictates stories - LP 
- Recalls story details - LP 
- Retells stories from books - LP 
- Exhibits literary behavior - SP 
- Recognizes upper case letters - LP 
- Has phonemic awareness - LP 
- Recognizes rhymes - LP 
- Identifies sight words - LP 
- Writes all upper case letters - LP 
- Uses letter strings - NA 
- Copies familiar words - NA 
- Can appreciate story lines - SP 
- Follows 2-3 step directions - SP 


LOGICO-MATHEMATICAL DEVELOPMENT
- Plans activities - SP 
- Has solutions when problem solving - SP 
- Integrates learned knowledge - SP 
- Persists in accomplishing certain tasks - SP 
- Maintains focus at necessary tasks - SP 
- Awareness of cause and effect relationships - SP 
- Has time concepts - SP 
- Can sequence events - SP 
- Seriates - SP 
- Understands part-whole relationships - LP 
- Knows spatial relationships - SP 
- Recognizes and identifies shapes - LP 
- Recognizes and identifies colors - LP 
- Sorts by common physical qualities such as color, shape and size - SP 
- Identifies physical properties - SP 
- Understands graphs - SP 
- Can use attributes of measurement - LP 
- Rote counts - VS 
- Identifies numbers - LP 
- Has one-to-one correspondence - SP 
- Writes numerals - NA 
- Discriminates quantity - LP 
- Has a mastery of patterns in varied mediums - SP 
- Appreciates mathematical concepts - SP 


Prepared by: Teacher Anna Marie Barretto and Teacher Mariel Chen

Joshua's Progress Report - 1st Semester SY 2010 - 2011 (Chinese)

LEGEND 

VS - Very Satisfactory Progress 

S - Satisfactory Progress 

LP - Limited Progress

Basic Cognitive Concepts 

- Shapes VS Colors - S 

Mathematical Concepts 

- Big / Small - VS 

- Many / Few - LP 

- Have / Don't Have - VS 

- Numbers from 1-5 - S 

Theme Concepts 

- Family - VS

- School - S 

- Parts of the Body - S 

- Clothing - VS 

- Pet Animals - VS 

Social and Emotional Development 

- Verbalizes songs and finger plays - S 

- Understands and recites poems presented - S  

- Participates in discussions - LP 

- Works cooperatively with tasks presented - VS 

- Positively contributes to classroom management - VS 

Prepared by: Teacher Cindy

Happy Birthday, my dear Kenji

My dear Kenji,

Today marks a very special day for you because you turn a year old. Has it really been a year? It seems like your dad and I just brought you home from the hospital. And your ahiya was at home eagerly waiting for all of us so that he can finally meet you. After talking to you and caressing you through my tummy, we could finally touch you and hold you in our arms.

So many milestones during your first year...your first tooth, the first time you laughed out loud, the first time you smiled at me, the first time you sat up on your own, your first step, the first time you tried calling us. All these firsts...and you still continue to amaze us everyday.

Yesterday, we celebrated your birthday by having you baptized in church. We had your godparents welcome you into God's family and we had a small party. All our close family and friends were there to celebrate it with you. You got a lot of gifts...toys, clothes, etc. Daddy also ordered up a feast and we had cupcakes and cakes for everybody!

Kenji, as little as you are now, I see in you a strong determination and independent streak. Your innocent antics continue to surprise me and make me laugh out loud. My wish is that you use this to your advantage. I know that you are not mine to keep. And everyday, as you grow bigger and stronger, the more that I have to let you go. But know that your dad and I will do our best to guide you and teach you. So that you grow up to be a good man. Know that we always have the best intentions for you and we always want what's best for you.

Thank you for coming into my life. You have taught me the virtues of patience and kindness. You have taught me that everyone is different, but that no matter how different we are, we all just want to be loved and accepted. And thank you for teaching me what unconditional love and boundless joy are. You and your brother are truly the light of my life.

Happy birthday my little one. What a wonderful world this is, because I have you in my life.

-----
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.